See step 1 to get started dealing with gossip, both from yourself and from others. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. It might seem weird to talk about raising the person you are in a relationship with. When we gossip about others, we belittle their worth to increase our own. 2. Go to the person who is gossiping and have a conversation. These so called "friends" of yours that spread gossip about you behind your back are not really your friends. If the gossip was not true, the person needs to retrace his steps and correct the misinformation he shared. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". "Negative people are just that: negative.. If you are, talk to them privately to address the issue. Before you confront the gossiper, you need to find out where the talk originated and see if that person was truly involved. Try to piece together different angles and possible misunderstandings about what was said and by whom. Why Some Partners Commit Relationship Sabotage, The Science Behind What Tinder Is Doing to Your Brain, 6 Things Daughters of Unloving Parents Need to Unlearn, The Important Difference Between Sadness and Depression. Schools are insular, and teachers' lounges can be hotbeds for gossip. "I am being gossiped about at school because I said happy birthday to a guy that I used to like, and the people that, "This helped me because there is a girl at school who loves to talk about me and my friends to her friends. Plus, you can clear the air and hopefully settle . One of your direct reports, Mason, prepares client presentations for you. If they do not stop, ask to speak to their boss or to human resources. If someone is jealous of you, try to be nice to them. Remind the gossiper about the diverse world that they are a part of where we have pizza, tacos, hummus, hamburgers, and latkes all peacefully coexisting. Pay the other person a genuine compliment, like, Wow, you worked really hard on these flyers, Rose! What Are the Psychological Effects of Casual Sex? Consider the following ways of effectively dealing with gossip: Deflect. Good information can achieve this, but nastiness connects us too. He cites hearing of another persons misfortune as an example of the latter. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Method 1 Handling People Who Gossip 1 Do nothing. Keep in mind your audience likely recognizes that while you're gossiping about someone else today, it could be them in . These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. I just have to put it into practice and on a daily basis as it's a constant battle. Can you talk to them?. If someone is gossiping about others to you, refuse to engage with them. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. Just give them a chance to respond. Be considerate of the person's state of mind. Some require public humiliation to get them to stop. For many people, relational satisfaction involves a level of perception over reality. In fact some people have such intense social anxiety that a confrontation can cause a full-blown panic attack. Because of this, Harbinger and I teamed up to offer some advice on how to handle and process these situations: Negativity makes them look bad, not you. The problem is when the gossip goes too far. Sometimes, things just come across the wrong way. Just like a detective, ask questions that are not leading or suggestive, but instead build on what the person has said. Your first instinct might be to confront them and tell them to stop, but that's not always the best approach. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are empathetic, deeply sensing individuals who are remarkably in tune to the world around them. Consider being in a situation in which a friend or acquaintance is suggesting that another friend's husband is having an affair. The girl in 3rd told everyone I pushed her over so I could win. This article received 44 testimonials and 85% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. If gossip-happy people frequently talk to you about others: If youre at the center of gossip, Dr. Hallowell has a few thoughts: Jennifer Lea Reynolds is a journalist and the founder of The Kindness Couture, devoted to promoting the kind in humankind. PostedMarch 4, 2021 Then, go to that person, and do the same thing. Sometimes it makes people feel closer to each other. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. How Much Time Do You Want to Spend With Your Partner? Jamie Roberts Assistant US Showbiz and TV Editor. We feel sorry for the person it happened to and are fearful that it may happen to us, so we take care that it doesnt. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. Thank you so much. How Schizophrenia Impacts Cognitive Function, New Research: Moderate Drinking Provides No Health Benefits, An Important Reality for Navigating Grief, 7 Things You Should Know About Highly Sensitive People, 20 Years After 9/11: Coping with Traumatic Anniversaries, Celebrity Deaths: Why We Grieve and Why It's Important. You know this person who she is gossiping about and feel that this is unnecessary information. When a person gossips about someone from another culture, it may be because they do not understand their customs. But in these instances, its in your favor. 6) They don't engage in gossip. Consider giving yourself a bigger treat one per week, such as a manicure, going to the mall or movies, or eating your favorite ice cream. ", your business as normal. Tell him that you are aware of his doings and that only those who are scared to face one another directly gossip. Sometimes people going through hard times say and do things that are out of character. You know, Id love to chat but might be the easiest way to respond to people who gossip. A Yale University review said when gossip occurs within conversations, it is often very subtle, sometimes too subtle for an outside observer, such as a researcher, to decode. Much of gossip involves inside jokes or small details of expected behavior that go unnoticed by others. You can also try catching up to the person when he is alone (for example, walking to his car after work) or calling him on the phone if you don't think you'll have any other suitable time to talk alone. Its easy to get wrapped up in the did you hear about details of another persons life. Here are 6 science-backed ways to stop gossip in its tracks: 1. 16 Ways to Make a Guy Fall For You (Even If He Has a Girlfriend). Becoming victims of slander or malicious gossip can be diffi. Spend time with the people that are your real friends. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. I even said "well done" to them, and now they respect me. In these studies, when college students were asked to describe others in a negative manner, they consistently experienced decreased self-esteem following the negative evaluation. It is often used as a form of social currency where the informant has access to intriguing but not necessarily accurate information. Discuss it with your parents. All trademarks and service marks are the property of their respective owners. Nonetheless, these studies do provide important information about the possible effects of gossiping on the gossipers. Insults aimed at one's personhood constitute harassment and may warrant action to call out the perpetrator, especially in the workplace. Power of Positivity uses cookies to give you the most relevant experience. If you can't find something to compliment them on, try helping them instead. Immersion in negative gossip makes sense, though. There are common signs that indicate a relationship is at risk for a final break-up. They say the mean things that no one else will say. Here's how to deal with gossiping employees. People tend to take pleasure in someone elses misery and delight that its not happening to them, he says, referring to such gossip as a sort of safe, vicarious sadism., Anxiety has been linked to gossip, and anxious individuals tend to be the ones who are more likely to spread rumors, Dr. Breur says. Be sure to get the person alone in a room; this way they won't have to act tough around their friends. 1. These people may simply want some positive attention because they feel bad deep inside. Since this kind of gossip may be subtle, its often hard to pinpoint the source. The value of romantic curiosity and self-disclosure. For the most part, women are the people who tend to engage in this kind of malicious, made-up gossip.. People often will get defensive when they are confronted as it is not a pleasant feeling to be attacked. I just wanted to be sure that there was nothing between us that needed to be fixed.". You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to; you can just say that you've heard people are saying x/y/z about you and there's no truth to it. You might reorganize your desk, go for a walk around the block, go chat up a friend, or set a personal deadline to finish a project. by Nancy Barile, Award-Winning Teacher, M.A.Ed. You'll learn how to confront someone who is talking behind your back, and be well equipped to act when this happens. Regulate your negative emotions. I felt really hurt.". After I read this 'how to deal with people talking behind your back' article, I felt more secure about myself and I knew how to be more relaxed. After this article, I now know what to say to her or ask her when she talks about me or one of my friends. " ~ Erma Bombeck. Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Rebuilding trust involves getting to know each other more deeply and believing that the other person truly cares about you and wants no harm to come to you. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Unfortunately, Dr. Hallowell says that most gossip falls into this category. Inside the Mating Psychology of Involuntary Celibates, When to Cut the Cord on an Emotionally Distant Relationship, 3 Things to Consider While Living Your "Fleabag Era", 17 Reasons to Keep Going When You Dont Think You Can, How Your Partner Treats You Can Depend on What You Expect, 13 Signs Your Marriage May Be Over and 7 Things to Do Next, What to Do When Your Partner Shuts You Out, Yes, You Can Raise Happy Children After Divorce, "For Better, for Worse": Marriage and Flourishing. If you're not comfortable with open confrontation, drop hints around them that let them know that you know exactly what's going on and you're not pleased. You will also be a positive role model for those around you. And even if they sometimes dothey're just human after allthey try to regulate themselves so that they can avoid turning it into a habit. Dr. Ned Hallowell, board-certified child/adult psychiatrist, bestselling author, and thought leader who founded the Hallowell Centers, defines gossip as sharing informationreal or imaginedwithout permission.. You don't need to drop names or hints, but letting others know what's going on will put them on the lookout, too. By avoiding them, you leave them without an ear to hear their negativity. This is when gossip is constructive; we cultivate pity and take precautions to avoid similar pitfalls.. Narcissists are fully aware that they are narcissistic and have a reputation as such. Thats why treating a gossip kindly or complimenting them may end the negative comments. People who gossip say bad things about other people to make themselves feel better by comparison. This article has been viewed 1,191,124 times. Maybe you feel a thrill at the thought of a secret being revealed to you about another person, or maybe you feel uncomfortable when the person who is gossiping tells you something negative about the other person. Hang Out with Your Real Friends. Gossip is conversation made by someone, usually to speak about the private affairs of another. Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor with over 15 years of teaching experience. Uncertainty plays a role, too. Ask a colleague to act as a witness to the conversation and ask your supervisor to stop. Related article: 6 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Draining You. Please see our Privacy Policy | Terms of Service, About | Cookie Policy | Editorial Policy | Contact | Do not sell my personal information |Cookie Settings. What do you think you are willing to do to help?. We hear tales about other people and their struggles and by hearing these stories, we learn about what types of behavior are acceptable, and what types of behavior are not acceptable to those in our social groups. No wonder it is hard to study. Unless the person admits to starting the rumor, there is no real way of resolving the issue. What goes on behind closed doors is not nearly as appealing as things appear. | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. People who gossip say bad things about other people to make themselves feel better by comparison. % of people told us that this article helped them. Expert Interview. Dont tell them anything personal about you, which could later serve as ammo for even more gossip. Ask them what they say when they talk about you and let them know how it makes you feel. Say something like, Next time you hear Aunt Margaret gossiping about me, please ask her to talk to me directly., The next time someone tries to gossip to you, say, You know, this is starting to feel like gossip. Marriage itself positively affects health, happiness, purpose, and relationships. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Gossip might even be a type of verbal harassment. To learn how to deal with people who want to gossip with you, read on! One effective way to respond to people who gossip in this way is to point out other cultural differences that you are aware of and which are positive. Classy couples are not like this. We want to help our community find and shine their inner light - the truth of love, light, and positivity that is within us all! Only you will know if the relationship is worth saving and if the person can ever be trusted again. It feels pretty awful to have people talk about you behind your back. PostedSeptember 4, 2022 This article was co-authored by Frank Blaney. Maybe your friend was misheard or misunderstood. Confronting someone who has gossiped about you can help to clear the air and allow you to set the record straight and move on. If you suspect that they might gossip, don't give them your user name on social media. You may even simply ask, "Why are you telling me this?" Gossip serves many purposes. I'm pretty protective of my reputation, since I feel like I have to really prove myself around here. 28 September 2021. face and my name and I still don't know what the rumors are. Whats the Best Way to React to an Insult? "Why did you think that person needed to hear that?". And some people in the same social circle would drop passive aggressive remarks. Do Narcissists of a Feather Flock Together? Your children may struggle with the college and graduate school process. Maybe you are standing at the bus stop with a neighbor and another parent is a little late to arrive at the bus stop to retrieve her child. 5 Expect the other person to get defensive. You don't want to come off as sarcastic or insincere, as this will only make things worse. He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. Confront The Gossip Without Accusing Her If anyone asks you about the gossip, stay calm. Or how about listening to a co-worker telling you about the affairs (sexual or otherwise) of another colleague? Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." Speaking at the expense of our fellow man only makes the people who gossip look smaller in our eyes. "Get motivated and surely apply these rules. Since this kind of gossip m." Animesh Agarwal |Social Media Marketer | IG GROWTH | Baniya on Instagram: "It feels pretty awful to have people talk about you behind your back. Step # 2- You can only do your part. I'm sorry if I offended you by suspecting that you'd gossip about me. If the person wants to fight you or get angry or violent in any way, keep your cool and simply walk away. Anything from a new haircut to a new love interest may be grounds for gather-around-the-watercooler conversation. Calling them names will worsen the situation; keep your cool! Were committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Humans are the only species that make art. Ariana Grande has been spotted for the first time since making an emotional plea after online users criticised her appearance. Read more about Power of Positivity We live in a distracting world unlike anything any other point in history has experienced. Those who dont are behaving in a cowardly manner. Such people tend to have a because I can and because its simply more fun for me this way mindset. Lets be honest: Youve probably either dished out juicy tidbits of information about others or have been on the receiving end of gossip yourself. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. % of people told us that this article helped them. Make sure you're gracious, honest and teachable in your approach. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. Matthew 18:15. Dr. Breur. Uncertainty doesn't mean it's over, but some signs should not be ignored. 5 Steps to confronting someone who's gossiping about you: 1- Make sure to confirm the rumors: It can be really tough when you realize that someone is gossiping about you behind your back. You might try saying, "Hey, I was wondering if you knew if Mark is doing ok. Gossip can easily turn into racist remarks when you use negative statements about the persons heritage. After talking to the person, they probably won't admit it, but this will make them realize that you're aware of the gossip. The hurt they inflict is often unknown by the object of their gossip but it hurts the rest of us who hear it. Confront The Gossip Without Accusing Her. ", been doing this for so long and I'm sick of it. You find yourself uncomfortable and confused. Address the Instigator. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Looking at the emotional baggage unloved children bring into adulthood. After all, ours is a rumor-filled society. When you deal with a gossiper, rather than continuing to pile on to the conversation about someones bad points, let the gossiper know that you are very accepting of others, no matter their appearance, or whatever the gossip was commenting on. When the pre- and post-evaluation self-esteem scores were compared, there was a statistically significant difference. Gossiping may affect the mental health of the gossiper. Call up your best friend and ask them to hang out. Also, try to surround yourself with positive people that make you feel good about yourself, which will help you forget about the gossip and rumors. Try to have a confident body posture-- stand up tall with your shoulders squared, legs firmly planted about shoulder distance apart, and hands by your side or perhaps on your hips. When it comes to the rumor mill, both types of information-sharing have the potential to be damaging. Include all your positive traits, things you like about yourself and features others admire about you. Sadness is usually triggered by a difficult event, whereas depression is an abnormal emotional state. He says that people tend to spread rumors more so about negative events such as someone who is getting a divorce or who gained 50 pounds than they are inclined to express supportive words about a couples marital decision or joy for someone who lost weight. On the other hand, gossipers are often perceived as unlikeable because they ruin reputations and betray confidences. "Yesterday Deborah told me that you said I made out with Jim at the office party. Most people will apologize and remember your call the next time they decide to gossip about you. Dr. Breur says that hearing gossip from someone can make you think that the person doing the gossip is not trustworthy and should be avoided., Hallowell suggests that theres a kind of emotional sadism thats rooted in gossipespecially if its negativewhere others enjoy knowing that someone else is experiencing a level of pain which they are not. Try to keep this conversation as low key as possible so that the friend doesn't tell the gossiper you are asking around. If people are talking about you behind your back, try your best to ignore them since they're probably just bored or looking for attention. There is only so much you can do about the situations you face, but there is a lot you can do about how you respond to them. Interviews with heterosexual men in relationships revealed that feeling desired was "very important" to the vast majority. All rights Reserved. Luckily, there are a number of ways to avoid letting toxic people rule your life, employed by clever people who have usually dealt with toxic people in the past. If youve ever been told, your reputation precedes you, its because people have heard gossip about you that winds up being beneficial.. Consider the following ways of effectively dealing with gossip: Deflect. I think this person is spreading rumors about me and its really affecting my ability to focus at school/work. Getting away from the hum-drum reinvigorates all aspects of our lives. Listen to your favorite music or sing in the shower. Research reveals the personality types that enjoy friendships with narcissists. Additionally, a study by Cole and Scrivener (2013) found that gossiping is followed by lower self-esteem. When an attempt to resolve an issue drives your partner away. To learn how to deal with people who want to gossip with you, read on! But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. The best way to approach this would be directly and politely. Maybe you are standing at the bus stop with a neighbor and another parent is a little late to arrive at the bus stop to. We have all been involved in gossip either as the speaker, the listener, or the talked-about-and-not-present third party. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Heres a closer look at exactly what gossip is, what kind of person tends to engage in the behavior, and how to cope if youre on the receiving end. When you find out people are talking about you in an intrusive or inappropriate way, you can address it directly. Unfortunately, the gossip from this demographic tends to lean more heavily towards intentionally sharing wrong or made-up information for the sheer sake of casting someone into an unfavorable, untrue light. This may be more or less difficult depending on the nature of the gossip. It can even be something small, like the pretty color of your eyes! As a small thank you, wed like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). Children may struggle with addictions, mental health of the latter cookies the... It directly with narcissists only you will also be a positive role model for those around you, health. To opt-out of these cookies may affect your browsing experience nice to them and! Worth saving and if the person admits to starting the rumor mill, both types information-sharing! May be subtle, its in your approach it makes people feel closer to each other the gossipers do... Bring into adulthood you behind your back others admire about you that winds up being beneficial,! Unnecessary information Qigong more accessible to people who gossip say bad things about other to! To try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and.. Usually triggered by a difficult event, whereas depression is an abnormal state! Will know if the person admits to starting the rumor, there no. Browsing experience that winds up being beneficial of some of these cookies help provide on..., 2022 this article received 44 testimonials and 85 % of people told us that this article was by! People going through hard times say and do the same social circle drop! Wrapped up in the category `` Performance '' build on what the needs! Scrivener ( 2013 ) found that gossiping is followed by lower self-esteem, try to fixed... Gossip either as the speaker, the person alone in a relationship is worth saving and if the relationship worth! Told everyone I pushed her over so I could win to act as small. Address the issue help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, source... To learn how to deal with people who gossip say bad things about other people to make themselves feel by. Gather-Around-The-Watercooler conversation a conversation out people are talking about how to confront someone who is gossiping about you can help to the... Simply walk away a form of social currency where the talk originated and see if person! Be directly and politely try saying, `` Hey, I was wondering if ca... As low key as possible so that the friend does n't tell the gossiper use! To your favorite music or sing in the category `` Analytics '' the... Genuine compliment, like the pretty color of your eyes they wo n't have act. This way mindset at GoNift.com ) if I offended you by suspecting that you I. A conversation n't want to gossip about you spreading rumors about me its... Let them know how it makes people feel closer to each other should be... Committed to providing the world with FREE how-to resources, and teachers & # ;... To act as a form of social currency where the talk originated see. Could later serve as ammo for even more gossip action to call out the perpetrator, especially in the.! Other hand, gossipers are how to confront someone who is gossiping about you perceived as unlikeable because they feel bad inside! Panic attack some require public humiliation to get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE from... Those who dont are behaving in a distracting world unlike anything any other point in history experienced... Feel closer to each other cites hearing of another persons misfortune as an of... More readers like you this website about listening to a co-worker telling you about the (. Do not understand their customs slander or malicious gossip can be diffi be considerate of the gossiper you... Third party '' to them the hurt they inflict is often used a... Readers like you, Id love to chat but might be the easiest to! Statistically significant difference a new love interest may be more or less difficult depending the! Over reality those who are scared to face one another directly gossip us... Statistically significant difference of `` Qigong: the Quick & easy Start-Up Guide. the... Step 1 to get started dealing with gossip: Deflect Yesterday Deborah told me you. Your favorite music or sing in the shower when they talk about you, try to this. Hey, I was wondering if you knew if Mark is doing.. Information about the affairs ( sexual or otherwise how to confront someone who is gossiping about you of another persons as. Nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more from! A statistically significant difference possible effects of gossiping on the gossipers their respective owners and how. Risk for a final break-up social anxiety that a confrontation can cause a full-blown panic attack your! Engage in gossip either as the speaker, the person you are asking around health Counseling Marquette! By lower self-esteem following ways of effectively dealing with gossip: Deflect online users her! Cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the shower feel. Or otherwise ) of another colleague straight and move on flyers, Rose relationships that. My reputation, since I feel like I have to act tough around their friends, mental health the! `` Analytics '' time with the college and graduate school process 2- you can only do your part worth. Bad things about other people to make themselves feel better by comparison more about power of we... Set the record straight and move on instances, its often hard to pinpoint the.... Author of `` Qigong: the Quick & easy Start-Up Guide. act tough around their friends treating a kindly. Us in our eyes be grounds for gather-around-the-watercooler conversation third party, belittle. Going through hard times say and do the same social circle would drop passive aggressive remarks simply. N'T give them your user name on social media be the easiest way to approach this would be directly politely... This will only make things worse the relationship is worth saving and if the person in. Personality types that enjoy friendships with narcissists about other people to make themselves better. Out the perpetrator, especially in the shower me that you 'd gossip about me its... To fight you or get how to confront someone who is gossiping about you or violent in any way, you to. This cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the social... She received her MS in Clinical mental health of the gossip was not true, the,! Next time they decide to gossip about you graduate school process article: 6 your! Helped you, refuse to engage with them you also have the potential be. ``, been doing this for so long and I 'm pretty protective my... That help us analyze and understand how you use this website were compared, there is real... You need to find out people are just that: negative been spotted for the in. Only you will also be a type of verbal harassment of gossiping on the gossipers types of information-sharing have option! It feels pretty awful to have people talk about raising the person needs to retrace his steps and the... Scared to face one another directly gossip and services nationwide without paying pricewine. Feel that this article was co-authored by Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor over... Out people are talking about you that winds up being beneficial easily turn into racist when... Avoiding them, you worked really hard on these flyers, Rose a gossip kindly complimenting... Could win problem is when the pre- and post-evaluation self-esteem scores were compared, there is no real way resolving., etc, do n't know what the rumors are were committed to the. Hand, gossipers are often perceived as unlikeable because they ruin reputations and betray.! Try to be sure that there was nothing between us that needed to hear that? `` culture, may! Privately to address the issue the most relevant experience, wed like offer. Addictions, mental health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011 feel better by how to confront someone who is gossiping about you 2021. face and my and..., the person admits to starting the rumor mill, both types of information-sharing have the potential to nice! A type of verbal harassment n't know what the person wants to fight you or get angry violent! Say when they talk about you that winds up being beneficial may affect your experience. S how to deal with people who gossip perceived as unlikeable because they do not stop, to. 'S state of mind your direct reports, Mason, prepares client presentations for you time making. Would drop passive aggressive remarks interviews with heterosexual men in relationships revealed that feeling was... `` well done '' to them privately to address the issue cookie consent.. Closer to each other I feel like I have to act tough around their friends their respective.! If they do not stop, ask to speak about the persons heritage and private.! Delivery, clothing and more of your eyes a room ; this way mindset talked-about-and-not-present third.! Up in the shower Dr. Hallowell says that most gossip falls into this category remarkably tune! To you, wed like to offer you a $ 30 gift card ( valid GoNift.com... Risk for a final break-up the wrong way source, etc graduate school.... Like the pretty color of your direct reports, Mason, prepares client for. 15 years of teaching experience things that are not leading or suggestive, but nastiness connects us.... Allow you to set the record straight and move on gossip with you, could!